How to Change Your "It's My Fault" Thinking
I try not to get to preachy when I write my blogs but lately I have decided that I needed to get a little preachy. I have a lot to share that I think would help many people - especially women!
You see I am the Queen of the Beat Up! I mean the Beat Up on Me every time something goes wrong. No matter what it is - it has to be my fault. Plumbing breaks - has to be something I did wrong, grass is turning brown in some areas of the yard, has to be due to neglect on my part -even though we have a sprinkler system. That strange smell coming from the laundry room - definitely my fault I didn't wash the clothes right away ...even though there is another able bodied person who could have washed the clothes - but no...it is still my fault. Lost keys, missing wallet, forgotten passwords - all my fault - even if they aren't mine. Lately I have been considering World Peace as an issue that I am directly responsible for solving. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with guilt because life keeps throwing curves and you feel ultimately responsible?
I am sick and tired of the "All My Fault" syndrome and have decide to reevaluate the validity of that. I am a declaring a National "It's Not My Fault Day". All around the country for one day all Women unite and scream at the top of their lungs "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" Do it - doesn't it feel good to absolve yourself for just one day when nothing is your fault? But realistically is that what will give us a lasting feeling of well being?
We play so many roles as Women, it is no wonder we begin to play the roll of the all knowing, soothsayer of the household. We aren't always given these roles, many times we assume them as a result of years of socialization that basically says Women are supposed to be able to handle a myriad of issues and stay on top of them at all times.
The reality is that we as Women are responsible for changing this way of thinking. Some of us actually allow ourselves to be placed in the "must be our fault role" Is this really a healthy way to live? Should this be a permanent part of journey to total wellness? I say a resounding "NO!"
Let me be crystal clear. This is not another opportunity to bash Men or our Families - it has very little to do with them and everything to do with us and how we allow ourselves to be perceived. This really has to do with changing our perceptions of ourselves and where we fit in this journey we call life.
We need to remind ourselves who we truly are. We need to go back to our authentic selves. Those special one of a kind individuals that God created each of us to be. Robin Rice author and spiritual mentor offers these pearls of wisdom to help us get there:
- Get To Know The True You: Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself. Reacquaint yourself with you! Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself . Reacquaint yourself with you! Cry if you have to, laugh if that feels good be reconnect with who you are. Let that person in the mirror be your "Adviser" listen to her, really get close to her and find out what she suggest you do not.
- Make A Space To Call Your Own:This is a must have for any person and especially for women who play so many roles to so many people. Create a space, even if it is a shelf or a closet. This is so important according to author Robin Rice, it makes the statement "I'm worth the space I take up!" Decorate your space, make it your signature, add your favorite picture, paintings, books and affirmations. Spend time there, visit often. This is your room where your are growing and planting your own greatness.
- Learn What You Really Want: What is your true passion? Take the time and find out. You may have several misstarts even the greatest painters go through many canvasses, paints before they create their masterpiece! All of us princess kiss many frogs before we find our prince. This is life - it is how we grow
- Dare To Be Average: I am speaking from experience. You can't be an expert everything. That is a recipe for not only disaster but also a recipe for ultimately losing the joy in our life. Make a list of the things your okay at - whatever it is sewing, painting, cooking, buying stocks, pottery - whatever it is. When you have done something on that list mark it off and say "good enough". The MOVE-ON!
- Picture Yourself Becoming The True You: Have you ever done a collage? I did once in college and it really helped me to visualize what I wanted to do after I graduated. It is always helpful to visualize how you want your life to be. Get a white board - you know the kind you might use for a child's science project, and cut out pictures from magazines that represent things you may desire, or scenery you lie, a place you may want to go , a car you want, whatever resonates with you that is what you cut out, and paste it on the board. This is now your "Life Collage" a visualization of how you want your life to be. Put it in your special place and look at it everyday. You will be amazed at how many of those pictures become apart of your reality!